Leadership isn’t about always being the cheerleader but intently managing relationships. Working with a peer who seems manipulative, unstable, or hard to deal with can be taxing. You start by focusing on your inner monologue, which is the difference-maker.
Challenges, They Are Real
Dealing with a problematic peer can drain your energy and cloud your judgment. It’s easy to get caught letting their actions dictate your responses. They are good at manipulation.
But as a leader, you need to rise above this.
Controlling Your Inner Dialogue
The first step in managing a challenging relationship is to look at the voice in your head.
Here are three points to consider:
- What might be driving this behavior?
- Is there a deeper issue I’m not seeing?
- How can I respond in a way that aligns with my goals?
Approaching the situation with curiosity and empathy rather than frustration creates opportunities. Of course, this doesn’t mean excusing inappropriate behavior.
Your Two Stakes
- Relationship Stake: A professional relationship is everything. Working together often can compound the relationship. A respectful, constructive relationship can lead to extraordinary collaborations with fantastic results.
- Business Outcome Stake: You tie your interactions to a business goal. This peer is critical to a project’s success. Your stake here is to ensure the project progresses, regardless of personal differences.
The word “stake” is perfect in this situation. It means “an investment or interest in a particular business, project, or outcome.” Clients often come to me having lost interest in an outcome or relationship. It is impossible to influence without calibrating to a vested interest. With both stakes understood, you’re more likely to approach with patience and focus.
Stopping the Befuddlement
A recent client came to the session befuddled by their peers’ actions. “I can’t believe what they’re saying! I zone out.” This term, over 200 years old, refers to confusion from drunkenness. It fits the situation exactly. When befuddled, you are drunk on your judgment. You miss a chance to connect. One of the most empowering things you can do is to stop letting others’ behavior frustrate you. They are predictable and have given you a gift; you know what that will do.
Here’s how to maintain composure:
- Set Boundaries: Define suitable conduct. Explain it in a calm, straightforward manner.
- Focus on Facts: Address issues based on evidence rather than emotion.
- Practice Emotional Regulation: Take a moment to breathe, reflect, and choose your response. If an answer is not needed immediately, take the time.
The Power of Intentional Engagement
When you approach a challenging peer with clear intentions, you no longer react to their behavior but shape the interaction. While this doesn’t guarantee an easy relationship, you will lead. And lead from a place of strength and purpose, which is what effective leadership is all about.
The Master Wisdom Key
It is not easy to navigate relationships with complex peers. The Roman Emperor Marcus
Aurelius points to the master key to such relationships. The other three mentioned earlier are subservient to it.
Aurelius wrote in his journal, “You have power over your mind—not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” ― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations.
Questions? Let’s connect now.